May 26, 2011

The Miranda Myth

Flashing red and blue lights woke me up in the middle of the night tonight.  I went to the window and saw a guy with dreadlocks and a backpack, and a fat woman with two shopping carts and multiple purses.  The guy with dreadlocks was being arrested.

The woman asked the cop where they were going.  "He's going to jail," the cop said.  For what?  "For criminal mischief."
"Could you read him his rights?" she asked politely.
Then the officer said this:  "I don't have to read him his rights.  I only have to read him his rights if I'm taking him to court.  I'm taking him to jail."

This statement confused me.  (Needless to say, many things about the scene unfolding outside my window confused me.)  Standing there in my underwear, I wondered, aren't cops required to read the Miranda rights when they make an arrest?  I checked good ol' Wikipedia and, wouldn't you know it, this is a common myth.  I guess I've watched too many cop movies (and hey, it's late).  The police only have to read your Miranda rights if they are going to interrogate you and if any self-incriminating statements you make during interrogation are to be admissible in court.  But if you're just "in the hood and up to no good" and a cop catches you, he doesn't have to read jack before he takes you to the clink.

The last thing I saw was the woman approaching the cop car.  The dreadlocks guy sat in the back seat, hidden by tinted windows.  "You don't have to say anything," she told him, in a reassuring, motherly tone.  Then, she pointed a finger at him and her tone changed:  "Don't say nothing until I get there!"  The cop car drove off.  She consolidated the baggage into a single cart, shoved it in front of her, and waddled angrily down the sidewalk, muttering to herself.  In my head, the song "Bad Boys" from Cops was playing.

Now that I've discovered the subtleties of the Miranda warning, only one question remains:  what the #@$% were those people doing outside my window?